Much to my surprise, I find myself craving for a script in my "prayers," something I can repeat every day instead of thinking of what to say. I find myself tempted to pray the rosary.
Having been raised protestant in the US, I never had much experience with high church. I always liked the heavy symbology, but the liturgy struck me as boring and meaningless repetition. I couldn't imagine that repeating someone else's words could comfort anyone.
Then one day, I went to visit someone close to me, and I found him in his back yard praying the rosary. He'd been going through some tough times, and he'd been under a lot of stress. His friends had been worried about him, because he didn't seem to be taking care of itself. That particular day, it was amazing how relaxed he was. I couldn't believe it was from the rosary, of all things.
Eventually I began to get it, or at least I thought I did. The Catholic Church is the oldest continuously existing organization in the history of the world. By saying the rosary, my friend was sharing a common experience with hundreds of millions of people dating back hundreds of years. It was a kind of communion with history, and it was a meditation upon familiar words that he'd been repeating his entire life.
History aside, liturgy is something that also allows us to speak together with hundreds of other people at the same time. It can be a good feeling to be part of a large crowd singing the same song or chanting the same phrases. It can give a sense of connectedness and common purpose in that moment.
Because of my friend, liturgy suddenly didn't seem so pointless after all. For a few years afterward, when I would think of him, I'd pray a rosary in support of him. Even though I didn't believe it meant anything, I knew held meaning for him.
All the same, these days, I'll stick with putting my words together "live." For me, I think the temptation to repeat liturgy now is just a lazy impulse, because then I could let my subconscious take over the work .
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